Jessa Duggar reveals she had miscarriage over the holidays in emotional video: 'Heartbreak'

Jessa Duggar revealed this week she had a miscarriage adjacent nan extremity of her first trimester complete nan holidays. 

The "19 Kids and Counting" star said Friday successful an affectional 18-minute YouTube video titled "Heartbreak complete nan Holidays" that she was 11 weeks on and knowledgeable a little play of spotting. So, she and hubby Ben Seewald braved wintry upwind to spell spot a doctor. 

She said arsenic soon arsenic a technician started looking astatine nan babe connected an ultrasound, "I could show location was immoderate interest successful her voice." 

"The technician said, ‘Well, nan sac looks good, nan babe does not.’ Honestly, thing could person prepared maine for nan weight of those words successful that moment.

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Jessa Duggar shared that she had a miscarriage successful an affectional YouTube video Friday.  (Jessa Seewald/YouTube)

"I was conscionable successful complete shock," she said, adding she had allowed herself to go "hopeful" because location was small spotting. "I didn’t moreover person words. I conscionable instantly started crying. And I was so, truthful thankful successful that infinitesimal that I had not gone to that assignment by myself because I almost did. And Ben was there, and he put his arms astir me." 

After she mislaid nan baby, she had to spell to nan infirmary for a surgical procedure. She said nan astir "devastating" portion was "waking up aft nan process was complete and having this hollow emotion wrong because you cognize that nan life that was successful you is nary longer there, and you ne'er did get to spot your babe and opportunity those goodbyes." 

The 10 to 15 minutes aft nan process "laying location acold and unsocial earlier I was taken backmost to nan room wherever Ben and my mom were waiting were astir apt immoderate of nan hardest of my life," she said. 

The reality star said she questioned if she had done thing incorrect during her pregnancy, for illustration not taking her prenatal vitamins because she had terrible greeting sickness. 

"But we tin cognize that we didn’t purposefully do thing to harm our baby," she added of mothers who acquisition that loss. 

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"It’s been a travel and 1 that I’m still on, but I tin opportunity I’m truthful thankful to person my 4 babies and to beryllium capable to travel location that nighttime and hug my small ones. It’s conscionable specified a tremendous comfort."

Jessa Duggar said she's "so thankful" for her 4 kids.  (Jessa Seewald/YouTube)

Duggar said she told her hubby she couldn’t ideate being a female who mislaid her first babe and didn't person a kid to clasp erstwhile she returned home.

"Walking done loss, your bosom goes retired to moms who struggle pinch infertility who person mislaid babies. It’s very painful," she said. 

They decided to show their children and a fewer others astir nan gestation earlier nan extremity of her first trimester, and she said her full family was still processing nan miscarriage.

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"When you suffer personification truthful beloved to you, it conscionable makes eden conscionable that overmuch sweeter," Duggar said. "We’ve talked astir that a batch pinch nan kids, and we can’t hold to meet this small 1 successful eden 1 day."